that's an acceptable place to lick
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
