It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
