i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
