Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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