Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Randomize
