i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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