I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
