Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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