So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
