Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
