If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
