Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
