Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
