I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
