should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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