this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
