Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
