oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Randomize
