i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
