I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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