so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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