It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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