One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
