Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
