Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
