How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
