i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize