I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
