My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
