mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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