i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
