What did we do last night that was yellow?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
