you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
