It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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