i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
