btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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