i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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