She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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