I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize