I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
