I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
