we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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