I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
