Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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