My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize