i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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