I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
