he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
