I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
