What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
