i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
