if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
