I think i sorta joined a cult last night
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
