no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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