When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
