You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
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