he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
