I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
