it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
