Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
