bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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