did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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