lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
