Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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