Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
