I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
