I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
