mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
