Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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