There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
