i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
