I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
