porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
