Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
