I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize