Me too!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
