Screwed.edu
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
