you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
