i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
