watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
