Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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